You are NOT your own.

Hi, my name is Sean and I am a sexual addict. My particular brand of addiction is SSA or same sex attraction. I have struggled with obsessive compulsive behaviors in terms of porn, fantasy and masterbation. I equated intimacy only with sex, and lived in spiritual idolatry, believing that contentment and satisfaction could only be found there.  I constantly lived shame and guilt, and was convinced that I was the only freak with this particular sinful behavior.  My other struggle was with poor self image, I felt I needed to perform in order to be loved and accepted, on top of that I suffered from a form of self hatred that manifested in the way I viewed myself as a faggot, queer, sissy, but took great pains to hide these internal pains and brokenness by wearing carefully constructed masks of acceptability to the outside world.  To them I may have appeared as confident, social and upright, yet most of that I now realize was self righteous, opinionated sanctimonious and entit...

I'm going to be very vulnerable in this post, and try to walk without the temptation of putting on a mask based on what I have written about and pretending that I have actually got all of them right in my life. Not sure where to start, so let me tell you that I recently uninstalled two apps off my phone, that empowered my fantasies in regards to my struggle with same sex attraction. I made the decision due to the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  Basically I heard a question posed to me about who do I actually deny, Christ (Gospel) or myself?  Truth be told, even after posting much about denying myself, I have too often found that in practice it's easier to deny Christ than myself. Especially when I want to justify having my own way.  This is true when our desires conflict with Gods way's. There is a deceptive and persuasive ideology (that I believe is a spiritual force, and which we should be aware of based on scriptural warnings).  The narrative is something along th...