By Way of Introduction

Hi, my name is Sean and I am a sexual addict. My particular brand of addiction is SSA or same sex attraction. I have struggled with obsessive compulsive behaviors in terms of porn, fantasy and masterbation. I equated intimacy only with sex, and lived in spiritual idolatry, believing that contentment and satisfaction could only be found there. 

I constantly lived shame and guilt, and was convinced that I was the only freak with this particular sinful behavior. 

My other struggle was with poor self image, I felt I needed to perform in order to be loved and accepted, on top of that I suffered from a form of self hatred that manifested in the way I viewed myself as a faggot, queer, sissy, but took great pains to hide these internal pains and brokenness by wearing carefully constructed masks of acceptability to the outside world. 

To them I may have appeared as confident, social and upright, yet most of that I now realize was self righteous, opinionated sanctimonious and entitled, and completely false.

I in my Journey with God have started to understand that none of these define me, and I understand that I can't seek, create or form an identity. I am given one by my maker, I am what he says I am, not my own beliefs or experiences or what others have tried to place on me, God alone. 

God revealed to me in a deep personal way, to find my true identity, I need to deny myself, pick up my cross and follow him. This means I have to die, and allow God to live within me, to repent or align my will and beliefs with his will. 

Jesus has graciously given me a new name, He calls me Draco, the brave and pure hearted. This not only defined my identity, but has given me a purpose to live within His Kingdom. I now am working out how this looks like; growing an intimate relationship with Him. 

I better understand that my greatest need is intimacy, and God has given me a glimpse of him as the lover of my soul, I am His and He is mine, a silent knowing of deeper communication, deep calling out to deep.

I still struggle with temptation, and poor image thoughts etc, but daily I am learning to bring them to the cross and to Jesus, reminding me that I have chosen to deny myself, to live for and in Him. Slowly deepening my intimacy with God and others in community. 

The Journey continues as I yield and surrender all I have to Him.



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