The father's response to the Prodigal

In response to some comments on social media, I would like to clarify on what side of the fence did I land on with regard to the same sex issue?

I could have decided to embrace the lifestyle and live openly within that space, alternatively the choice was to adopt a celibate eunuch lifestyle. 

There were times that I wondered about that myself,  however I did in fact adopt the second option. That is to abstain and walk in purity with a clear conscious before God and man.

The reason is simply that I believe that there is NO biblical evidence to support that choice of lifestyle. In fact as with any sexual intimacy it should be limited to the purity of God's design and intentions between a husband and wife.

However I also firmly believe that God does not hate gays, but he is opposed to the practice of homosexuality, just as be is opposed to any sexual sin.

"I don’t want people who are experiencing same-sex temptation to feel as though they must be complete monsters compared to people who are wrestling with heterosexual temptation. We know that all of us are fallen in this area of life. All of us need to put sinful desires to death. All of us need to flee temptation. And actually, all of us need encouragement and help to do that." Sam Allberry.

I trust that this clears up any ambiguity in this regard, this becomes clearer if all of my posts are read. Rather than make or draw hasty conclusions about me, best get the whole picture or ask me a question directly, I will answer honestly.

In this post I am going to try to reflect some of the internal thoughts that I was processing in the stages of coming to some sort of stable state of mind during what I refer as my latitude phase. Not convinced that I recall correctly the order that I became aware of these, but this is my attempt to explain how God the Father graciously revealed truth to my heart and mind.

One of the first hurdles I had to deal with was regards to the "gay" label or identity and how do I navigate in this space. 

A very useful resource I was referred to in this space was Sam Allberry, I found his material extremely useful he writes

"As a Christian, one of the key things for me is realizing that identity as Christians is not something that we discover in ourselves, nor is it something we create. It’s something we receive and are given by the only person who can know our actual identity, which is the God who made us. So my identity as a Christian comes from the fact that I’ve been created by God and redeemed by him through the saving work of Jesus." Additionally he states "I want to use language that can describe an aspect of what is going on in my life, but which doesn’t imply that that is what defines me, or what is the center and heart of who I am."

This along with the scripture about denying myself and picking up my cross, and losing myself and ultimately finding myself set me on a course of discovery of identity, of which is the subject of my recent blogs.

I then persued the Father and Jesus as to what he calls me. This led to the name of Draco, the brave and pure hearted as given to me. 

Meanwhile in between all of this I chatted to a good friend and confidant Craig about what do I do with this self discovery and finally admitting the depths of struggle in regards to the Unwanted Same Sex Attraction. He challenged me to make me self know at a deeper level, not just the fact that I was sexually addicted for example but the deeper stuff that drove my anxious thoughts and behaviors. 

I shared this with at least three other friends, some of what follows was the internal narratives being played out during this emotional time.

How does God view me? I have a low view of myself, Sissy, Faggot, meat to be used, humiliation and degradation form part of this, but God the Father doesn't see me like this. 

I am precious and valuable to him based on the following facts: I was created in his Image, as a male. Zakar, I recall what is important and move toward intimate relationship, to make an impact. 

Wonderfully and Fearfully made is what I am, even in the womb, and before that he had a plan and purpose for my life. I am chosen, adopted, redeemed as a Son, he paid the ultimate price for me. I am his friend, brother, servant. 

I am a new creation in Christ, I am full of potential, that he has placed within me. He has called me by name personally, and I am what he says. Sean, David, Godwin, Draco the brave and pure hearted. 

He has made me to be a warrior, poet, sheppard, priest, king and prophet. 

This is how God sees me, align my view with this please Lord, help me to live this out daily. 

To have casual, illicit sex or sexual fantasy not only devalues yourself but also the other person, as you are making them a simple object to satisfy your own selfish, fleshly, needs. 

It breaks down the image and plans of God for sexual relationship, between one married man and one married women in union of one flesh in covenant to each other.

Slowly God started to reveal the truth about me and my condition, it wasn't that he made me like this, it was the brokenness and result of the fall of man (original sin) and our propensity to sin out of our wicked hearts, making wrong choices as we proceed through life. God spoke to me about a number of things, specifically on the areas of realms, and playing fields that I chose to operate within etc. Again what follows is an attempt to highlight the stuff God was talking to me about.

Who I am is more important within the Kingdom of God, than within my small world of personal identity, realm or world view. This is the realm I need to operate more in than the transient, fitful, emotional world. 

I add more value to myself and others as a Son within the Kingdom (impact/ effective), if there I am Draco, brave and pure hearted. There I am Son, adopted, redeemed, follower, disciple, servant, brother and friend. 

I am Sean, David, Godwin, friend , poet, Sheppard warrior, King, Priest beloved of God, accepted, gifted, passionate ambassador and example. Secure, not afraid nor bigoted, loving, kind and gracious. A man or giant of faith, trusting, a believer. 

These worlds or realms exist in parallel, often overlapping, but the most important is the eternal perspective. Choose to operate within the Kingdom realm, and not get distracted by the fleshly, sensual, soulish realms. 

Be spiritually minded vs carnally minded. Real, sustainable growth is only found playing in the big field or realm, in the small space you remain stunted and limited by your own thoughts, ideas, beliefs, idols. 

Not so in the kingdom realm, you are called out, stretched, challenged, and you have the mind of Christ, spacious, gracious, creative, faith filled, with man this is impossible, but with God, ALL things are possible. 

An author that inspires me, and often feels like he is reading my mind and emotionally describes the levels of my soul is Henri Nouwen, and his ability to put these thoughts and emotions into words dwarfs my own skill in this regard. I could use so much more of his writing but I think the following summarizes so beautifully the issues and God's leading me to as described in my attempt to explain the process of his gracious dealings with a Son of His. This is quoted from his book The Return of The Prodigal Son.

"As the beloved of my heavenly father, I can walk in the valley of darkness: no evil would I fear. As the beloved I can cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, cast out devils. Having received with out charge, I can give without charge. As the beloved I can confront, console, admonish and encourage without fear of rejection or need of affirmation. As the beloved, I can suffer persecution without desire for revenge and receive praise without using it as proof of my Goodness. As the beloved I am free to live and give life...."

Sadly we too often revert to the stance of the prodigal.

"I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it can't be found. Why do I keep ingnoring the place of true love and persist looking for it elsewhere?"

So the challenge for me and you is to stay abiding as the beloved son, attached to the vine (Jesus) and his life, to recall that God has chosen to abide in us, and that without him we can do nothing.