Confession and Repentance in Accountablity.

Yesterday I went to what I thought to simply confess in detail a disturbing masturbation pattern, that occasionally and persistently raised it's head to hold me in bondage. I initially resisted the Father's prompting to do this, I  felt it would be highly embarrassing, yet I senced his insistence; and rather recluntantly obeyed. 

It turned out to be so, so much deeper, than I could have imagined. 

As I was confessing I realised God was breaking open an area how I identified myself in terms of derogatory language to describe same sex attracted men in particular. 

Words that breakdown like queer, faggot, sissy, gay boy, beta male etc. He showed me that that this woundedness is often associated with a trauma and how I had allowed this to impact and breakdown the image of God, by believing the lie, and furthermore helping it take root by perpetually reinforcing it through my thoughts and actions. 

In doing so I had in many ways emasculated myself and came to think of myself as less masculine and therefore not enough, this was not how Gods design was meant, when he created me to be male, and this identity was perverted and twisted in allowing these lies to continue. 

Then ....I  saw Jesus, the most real masculine person, the one who endured public shame and pain in the most brutal manner possible, whilst hanging on the cross, utter the words "father please forgive them, they know not what they do". 

A more perfect image of true masculinity you cannot find, and he never expressed himself sexually, yet he was the most content and complete person to live. This was the image I could rather cling to rather than the images that had distorted my identity in the past. 

This is my true identity in Christ and him in me. 

What an awesome experience with God, breaking off chains, resetting and renewal.

I am grateful that I was obedient to the initial prompting as I never realised the depths of this falsehood was impacting on my heart and life, it profoundly effected how I saw myself, and God knew, and used this to bring true freedom and identity to me in that glorious time, confession and repentance, in accountable relationship with brothers and the Full Godhead, I am astounded at His Grace and Mercy toward me, speaking His Truth over me, and allowing me to recieve His truth about who he lovingly created me to be, an Image bearer of God Almighty.  

What an Awesome privilege. 

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1 NIV

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

John 8:36 NIV

Today I am awestruck by the Grace of the Father, and have a new sence of freedom in Him, it overflows in thanksgiving and worship of my God and King. 

So I hear the question, do I believe in the Catholic doctrine and theology regarding confession?

To be honest I have no idea what that doctrine is, and therefore say no, but I do know that the word of God is clear on these things. 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

James 5:16 NIV.

If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.

1 John 1:6‭-‬10 NIV

We confess to God for forgiveness and to man for healing. 

This forms part of repentance, to chose to walk into the light and be known. To have fellowship with God and each other, to acknowledge our sins and fault and walk towards relationship with God and others. 

Is it uncomfortable? Sure is, it takes courage to expose yourself in front of others, your pride trys to get in the way, as you humble yourself before God and man. 

Oh but it is so worth it, the liberation of your soul, freedom to be who you are before God and others. 

I can't find words to express, or begin to describe the deeply spiritual process and freedom that takes place in that moment, when you KNOW God accepts you and heals the brokenness and woundedness you have carried for so long. 

My heart bursts out in gratitude and expresses in shouts of praise and wonder. God is GOOD so GOOD.





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