Side Bar: Dealing with a crises of faith.

These are some of the thoughts and lessons I have learned and try to apply in regards to my testimony in the post on Dealing with a crises of faith. 

Woundedness 

I have to clarify that although it is true that deep wounds can and often do cause emotional responses and broken ways of dealing with the trauma.  This in no way excuses me from tacking ownership and consequences of my actions or choices.  By exploring the fact that I have experienced loss or trauma I am able to understand the reasons for the behaviors that developed in my life as a result. Ultimately I am responsible for acting out in the way I did, even if it was a twisted coping mechanism, I have to recognize that its in direct opposition to Gods intended authority and purpose in my life.


Confession

Once I recognize that I have sinned towards God and other people in my thoughts and actions I can bring these to the Cross (of Jesus, where we exchanged his righteousness for my unrighteousness) and bring my brokenness and pain for him to heal.

I not only believe in confession to God (which is critical for forgiveness ) but also in confession to each other. 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective..

James 5:16 NIV

This includes an open acceptance of wrong, hurt and wounds and accountablity to the people you have injured in the process. 


Abuse

In a similar way, too often the abused can become an abuser. It's never acceptable if I used what happened to me to justify me repeating this by taking advantage of others. I am grateful to the Father that this was not a major issue in my life, except I recall an incident of humiliation of another boy. A friend and I tied him naked to a tree on a main road simply because he had a name that was both male or female. I regret that deeply and recognise that it was wrong and I could have slipped into darker means of dealing with the abuse that did take place (somewhere/ someway) in my life.

As it was due to me not understanding the pain experienced, that manifested in addictive and compulsive behavior later on.


Same Sex Attraction 

On this topic I want to clarify that although I believe the act of same sex relationships specifically sexually is in contravention of Gods design for human expression of healthy sexuality (Marraige between a man and women) the attraction it's self is not necessarily sinful. I cannot control whom I find attractive per se, but I can control my impulses.  I am not a animal or brute, and I intentionally chose to surrender to Gods intended authority and purpose in my life as a beloved Son. Trusting he wants and not only able but willing to give me the best for my life. 

I acknowledge that in a sense I acted out in a manner that contradicted my own self by wearing a false mask of religiosity and anti same sex people.  I was to afraid to expose my stuff done in the dark, this included the pornography and fantasy. I know now that this was a means of protecting myself from negative response from others. I did not want to be abandoned or rejected, to be an outcast. However living in the light and biegn fully known has proved to be a great blessing, my enemy can't use the darkness to futher lead in shame and guilt as I have brought to the light in Christ my God and saviour. 

I get that not everyone can accept that is my choice but that's okay, I am am content to work this out with God my Father, ABBA/ Daddy who loves me just as I am. 


Overcome 

There is an enemy that hates us and seeks to kill and destroy, however this verse gives me great courage 

They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

Rev 12:11

Hence the reason I am prepared to share my story, to overcome for myself and other who may draw hope and faith from my sharing.  Mostly I trust in the Blood of the Lamb (Jesus, who died on the cruel cross for my sin and shame)

I am yet to have the compete victory since there are many years of broken beliefs, responses and habitual sin, not exposed to the light (hidden by shame and guilt) but I am aware of how I am learning new responses like positive self talk. Reminding myself who I am in Christ. What he had done in me, and that I have settled that I am NOT my own, I belong to Christ. I chose daily to pick up my cross (even if I fail) and walk in close proximity and relationship with Jesus, Father and Holy Spirit in a vibrant personal relationship. He makes this promise to me.

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6 NIV

That is my hope and Glory, Christ in me, and I in Christ. 



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