The Struggle is real (against the flesh)

I recently read a post by JD Grear in Church Leaders titled Sex is not the best part of life. In it JD points out how our culture today says that sex is not only pleasurable, but essential, and one can't be happy without it.

This is the belief system I lived with, almost my entire life. It was only recently when I attended my first Journey Discipleship program that I had an ephiniany in God. That this, false belief, was the basis of my struggle regarding my addiction to porn and masturbation. I came to believe that a Man could only have real satisfaction in life via sexual arousal and the subsequent orgasm. This was reinforced by my observing my Father and his views on sexuality, and I took them on as my own beliefs. 

God then challenged me by by pointing out that this belief was in fact Idolatry, and to renounce it. Renouncing and practically living it out are two different matters.  So even though I have renounced the belief I still have to struggle with this issue to make it a reality in my life.

For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

Matthew 19:12 NIV

Ironically this subject of celibacy in respect of a choice when it came to opposite sex relationships was raised in the last session of Journey. Amazing how God the Father orchestrates these seemingly random events. I am currently wrestling with this concept and God, what is his will for me in this regard.  Part of me reckons I am past the romantic relationship stage (seems to be a lot of effort); on the other hand I don't want to be alone and need both same sex and opposite friendships and to stay in community.  

In the aforementioned article it refers to a man who was same sex attracted, and for awhile chose to live an openly gay life until he realised there was no fulfillment for HIM  and either as a Hetrosexual or Homosexual his life was headed for disaster, in fact he ended up in prison. It was there that God confronted him, not to change his sexuality but to belong to a forever family with his Son. He says that his identity is not gay, ex -gay or heterosexual but a child of the living God made in the image of Jesus Christ. God gave him a choice and he chose God. 

As a man who struggled with not only addiction and masturbation for many years, but also same sex fantasy (I did identity as gay in my past and would identifiy as bi- sexual if it were not for the way the word of God decrees that his will for sexuality is to be expressed via the covenant of marraige). So this choice of celibacy resonates deeply with me, in terms of me renouncing my beliefs and past, to lay down my sexuality, this choice lines up. However as a person who was married for close to twenty eight years and for years satisfied his sexual needs on a whim and habitual practice I struggle indeed with the Carnal Man, the body of flesh and the soul. It's a daily battle, where I have to chose to abandon God and persue sexual freedom (which is NOT really freedom) or abandon perceived sexual freedom and persue God. The choice is obvious, but still a struggle nevertheless.  I have to offer myself in surrender to God and in obedience to his will for my life. As I chose to abide in HIM and him in me, I trust that I am being transformed as I persevere in him.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Romans 5:3‭-‬4 NIV

I chose life; as True Joy is not found in sexual fulfillment but in intimacy with HIM (Jesus). After all it's worth remembering (Zakar) that the most joy filled man who walked the earth never had sex.



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